~心靈的花園~: April 2003

Wednesday, April 30, 2003

勁down

比被姑娘罵down千萬倍!
點解係都要同我作對!!??
雖然未至於驚會化為烏有, 重頭做過,
但卻要浪費更多更多更多的時間都精力!!
求下你唔好咁對我啦....
=...(
唔好有事呀....

Tuesday, April 29, 2003

多謝各位的支持和關心, 經過一整天的休息, 我已經沒事了. ^^

回到學校繼續工作, 第一件事是打去某醫院索取研究用的資料. SARS肆虐, 醫護人員一定好辛苦, 心情都未必好, 所以我都遲遲不敢打電話, 怕麻煩他們. 只是遲無可遲了... 結果被姑娘罵足全程, 無論我說什麼都有錯 (詳情不重覆了). 掛線後心裏很不舒服... 事實上我又真的要麻煩她, 讓她工作增多了, 然而我都不是故意的, 我都覺得好唔好意思. 當我好想表達自己對她們的體諒和感激時, 她們卻不太肯接受.... 慘慘.... 但我即時又想, 這樣的情況, 出社會做事後會更多出現吧!? 還是要試著承受, 努力適應...
事後檢討, 朋友說我跟人溝通的技巧和經驗不足. 這個世界把大部分的解釋都假設為掩飾. 所以我越說得多, 姑娘就越惡. 朋友說做事只需要講目的, 達到目的就是了 (當然不包括不擇手段), 不需要說其他的話. 我的問題就是我重視過程甚於目的, 對通往目的的一段路太多意見太多要求, 於是演變成麻煩和嘮叨...
我不喜歡這些假設, 卻改變不了人家的想法, 更改變不了世界運作的模式. 一直以為講多幾句能促進了解減少誤會, 過程比終點更重要和美麗... 我一直都是這樣學, 這樣想... 但小時候被灌輸的一套, 原來許多到長大後都不實用. 許多我從小以為是好的習慣和性情, 來到現在都變成是我的缺點,弱點...
唉... 要長大成人, 果然要經歷這些痛楚和迷失!
但願神的話仍是我腳前的燈, 路上的光. 世界有許多聲音, 唯獨您指示正路. 在價值觀世界觀被衝擊搖撼的時期中, 求你保住我不致失腳...

Monday, April 28, 2003

倒下

今早睡至10時, 起床時的感覺猶如被人打了一頓, 渾身不自在.
然後發現鼻塞了, 狂流鼻水, 整個人都失去力氣. 探過熱, 沒有發燒. 還好.
掙扎了一會, 至中午終於決定不上學了. 向舍監告假後, 又進入大昏迷狀態, 一睡又到五時許.
出了一身汗, 鼻水收了, 精神也好多了. 晚上有了胃口, 以為已康復. 最不好受的還是整天沒工作的不安感, 於是上網找文獻, 才找了一會兒, 又感倒頭暉眼花, 不太對勁了....
到底怎麼了? 是真病還是假病? 是貧血又回來了嗎? 還是somatization problem (即心理衍生出來的生理病) 為了逃避工作?
如是, 朋友建議我以"斬人"減壓. 哈哈, 好提議!! 但我怕連斬人的力氣都沒有...
明天醒來會好了麼? 上學不上學? 小病是福, 但願我真的誠心接受這福氣.
.
p.s. "斬人"是指玩LF2 ^^

Wednesday, April 23, 2003

Break 一 break

每天都是coding, 終於code完所有interviews!! 可以開始下一步 -- 真正的analysis. 把工具書左翻右翻不知多少遍了, 卻還不大懂得如何開始. 可能還要查閱多些文獻, 看看這類報告應該怎樣寫, 如何寫.

悶. 好悶.

累. 好累.

想. 好想家.

這幾天偶爾會想像畢業後的日子會是怎樣呢? 其實我會很享受畢業後一段空檔的日子, 不用急著工作, 可以靜下來反省自己, 計劃將來, 和清理一直想做而未做的事情 (例如那永遠都只得一半的網頁, 和很多囤積起來的書).
但可能我是想多了. 真正踏出社會, 但她會給我機會嗎? 今天替別人做實驗, 探討勞工處網頁的user friendliness. 即席要我嘗試找一份合適的工作, search results 卻是0. 然後看報紙, 說今年適合大學畢業生的職位空缺跌六成, 薪酬跌至6000...
Well, 但這不是我灰的時候. 還是實際點, 做論文吧!

Friday, April 18, 2003

Pastor died of SARS after praying for a patient

收到這封電郵, 雖然是英文的, 但我覺得十分值得一看!!!

In Singapore recently, Pastor Simon Loh went to pray for a SARS patient,and he died of SARS after praying for a SARS patient . Do you know how it would be ?

"You Christians claim that God will protect you from all diseases but how come He did not protect the pastor who went to pray for a SARS patient?"

It was broadcast over the news that "Pastor died of SARS after praying for a SARS patient!" So, if a non-believer were to question you on the above, what will be you answer?

Frankly, I did not have a definite answer to it until he Holy Spirit dropped a verse into my heart which is John 15:12-13, "My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."

And when I went to search out the scriptures, I then realized that the death of the pastor has created a great opportunity for us to evangelize. What do I mean by that? He was actually praying for the sick sister. And doing out of love. Following Jesus to lay hands on the sick and heal them in His matchless name. "Pastor" derives from the Greek term "poimeen" which means, "Shepherd". And in John 10:11-15...Jesus said He is the Good Shepherd and He went on to say that a good shepherd/pastor will lay down his life for the sheep. When the wolf (or SARS) comes to attack the sheep, the good shepherd/pastor will not abandon the sheep and run away, but he will lay down his life for the sheep. Thus, in laying down His life for His sheep, Christ has set the standard for pastoral ministry that goes beyond words to deeds. And the death of Pastor Loh is a picture of what Christ has done for us.

Christ died on the cross so that we can live. Likewise, Pastor Loh died but the SARS patient lives on. This is what Christian LOVE is all about. To me, I would see Pastor Loh as a true disciple of Christ who had obeyed the Lord to love others to the extent of laying down his life.

So now the whole of Singapore knows that a pastor had died after praying for a SARS patient and surely a lot of people will be questioning Why? Why? Why? Instead of scratching our heads and become fearful ourselves,let us take hold of this opportunity to point others to Christ and share with them what TRUE LOVE is all about.

From this SARS saga, I believe the enemy is also trying to create division among Christians: one group believes in walking by faith and another group believes we ought to exercise wisdom. Instead of fingers at one another, let us be reminded of John 13:34-35 which says, "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."

May God bless you as you read...Jesus always loves you!
S A R S --> STAND AND REBUKE SATAN

剛好又收到這個URL: http://www.donghaeng.net/duty/duty.swf
我想這個牧師就正如flash中的主角一樣, 溫暖地重返主的懷抱!!
.
今天是受難節. 願我們都更深刻地領略好牧人的奇妙的愛!!

Tuesday, April 15, 2003

終於...

很多天都寫不到日記, 還以為以後都不能再寫.
終於都可以post出下集了!!

而我
亦終於由停課初期好有心機做論文到現在失去動力了.
或者是因為寫到最"甘"的部份吧!? 無從入手... 下意識逃避...

這次非典型肺炎, 令我在宿舍的工作量大大提高. 除了在停課期間都要駐守宿舍, 還有幾乎每晚都要開的"緊急"會議外, 這幾天搞清潔運動, 就快連地都幫宿生拖埋... 最好笑還是今天出席了一個由保健處舉行的講座(舍監要求), 教人探熱.... @_@ 原來真的有人從來未用個探熱針... 予欲無言... 其實有幾難? 一個非典型事件, 令大家把所有"典型"的事情都忘了嗎? 我覺得只是小題大做,浪費時間...

新聞說那早產婦人離開了.
很難過.
=(
朋友傳來一段有關非典型肺炎的"聖經密碼",
除了笑以外, 我在想,
"耶和華說:
我知道我向你們所懷的意念是賜平安的意念,
不是降災禍的意念,
要叫你們末後有指望.
你們呼求我,禱告我, 我就應允你們.
你們尋求我, 若專心尋求我, 就必尋見." (耶利米書29:11-13)
聖經不需要解碼, 我們需要知道的, 神都清楚講明.
還有不到幾天,就是受苦節和復活節,
對我來說有很重要的意義...
很願意在這幾天, 好好的思想,
慢慢地聆聽...

問問自己能為疫症做什麼(下)

疫症不及人心可怕
大家心情都不好，但正因為如此，請大家在發脾氣、作投訴前，先想想別人的感受，畢竟大家同坐一條船，我們都是香港人。地球並不是單單圍繞自己而轉，切勿因自己眼前的小針而大呼小叫，而看不到擋在別人跟前的大樑子。

沒有洗衣機，那便自己動手洗衣服，我們父母那一代，不都天天如此嗎？我們幾時忘記了上一代的生存意志，當了一個只會蹺起雙手，坐著撒嬌、嬌生慣養的孩子？

我無意針對任何人，亦理解E座居民的困擾，我只是想說出一個道理，容許我修改以故美國總統甘迺迪最喜愛的名言：「在這場肺炎硬仗中，不應該問大家可以為你做甚麼，而應該問自己可以為撲滅這場疫症做些甚麼。」如果大家都能如此想，我相信甚麼困難都可以解決，反之，如果大家還是斤斤計較，一旦醫護人員為此感到氣餒；一旦支援工作人員感到氣餒；一旦政府感到氣餒，那麼香港將會兵敗如山倒。

疫症雖然可怕，但不及人心可怕。堅固的堡壘往往是由內部開始塌破的。肺炎不能搞垮香港，要是香港最後不幸真的被弄垮，那一定是我們自己作的孽。

就讓我們的子女從父母身上，學懂甚麼是同舟同濟，重新認識甚麼是SARS，S：Sacrifice（犧牲）；A：Appreciation（欣賞）；R：Reflection（反省）；以及第二個S：Support（支持）。

好想見到人性光輝的一面展現開去，感染更多更多的生命。

Tuesday, April 08, 2003

有問題

上篇文章的下集, 不知道為什麼怎樣也post不到上來. OD的word limit 好像少了很多, 其實篇文草不是很長, 但卻要斬開來貼. 希望遲少少會post到個下集上來吧!
回到宿舍,原來感覺就好像被隔離一樣. 別人總愛問我在做什麼? 最近怎樣? 我的答案卻是千篇一律: 做論文中. 有時候我會想, 其實有多少人會真的明白我在做什麼呢? 怎麼一份論文要做兩年? 怎麼任何時候問我都是在做論文? 這些問題, 其實我都很想問自己...
還有兩三個月, 我就可以給你們創新少少的答案! 這再包容我一些時候!!

Monday, April 07, 2003

問問自己能為疫症做什麼（上）

說中我的心聲... 香港人不要怨天尤人了!!

香港城市大學社會科學學系講師　蔡子強

這幾天，無論自己有否「中招」，大家都被肺炎弄得心煩意亂，社會的戾氣亦因此十分重。被隔離的淘大花園E座居民，更加怨氣沖天，對政府的種種支援工作怨聲載道。

先是那句著名的，埋怨早餐只有白包無牛油，接是餐單能否有得揀，後來是隔離營沒有洗衣機、沒有電視機、人手不足、消閒設施不開放等等。其實，大家是否可以盡量將就一點。畢竟我們面對的是一場關乎人命的硬仗，而不是在度假、住酒店。

大家都希望見到E座居民能夠早日健健康康，返回一個安全的家，很多公僕都正為此疲於奔命，甚至冒被感染的危險。雖說大家都是納稅人，但不是這樣，便可以把一切視作理所當然。

在危難時，大家更應抱一顆感恩的心，多體諒別人，少作挑釁，多欣賞人們為你所做的一切。最近收到很多讀者的電郵，都希望我說出這一點。

前線人員心力交瘁
上周四《經濟日報》刊登E座住客米蘭女士的「隔離日記」，她說在隔離的首天，可能由於人手關係，晚餐要住客自己到樓下，但她卻沒有半點抱怨，並說：「他們是為我們服務，不是我們的工人，實不應有太多的要求。」對於有住客要求要有多款餐單可供選擇，她說不敢苟同，現在是非常時期，所提供食品其實並不難吃，而且是免費供應，若覺得不合口味，盡可自己煮獲分派的即食。

置身事件中，仍能抽身冷眼看世情，容許我向這位女士致意。

最初幾天，有淘大居民投訴在隔離營沒有醫護人員照顧他們，或許政府可以安排得細心一點，但亦請居民多作忍耐，並留意：本港的醫療體系已經面臨極大的張力，不少醫護人員已被弄得筋疲力竭、不勝負荷。更有聯合醫院的醫護人員傳真到電台，沮喪地說：「請救救我們！」亦有年過六旬的母親打電話上電台，為其不敢歸家，害怕傳染家人的兒子擔心得失聲痛哭，令人聞者心酸。

大家都理解E座居民被肺炎累得好慘，但外面有很多人，尤其是那些醫生護士，比起他們其實更慘，或許前者的煩惱是悶得發慌，但後者的煩惱卻是心力交瘁，如果可以的話，我想後者一定願意與前者交換。

Thursday, April 03, 2003

發夢

見到朋友說發惡夢, 想起昨晚的怪夢, 或許也算"惡"吧.....
我的論文的對象是一群患有地中海貧血症的小朋友, 日有所思, 夜有所夢吧? 我竟然跟他們一樣要落血! 插上針筒, 推著高高的掛架(掛住包血), 在醫院裏四圍走. 最真的部分是我竟趕忙地通知團友們, 我不能跟他們行山了 (因為今個星期真的約了團友行山), 因為我要去醫院輸血!!
這或許, 就是做論文做上腦的跡象吧?!
最惡的夢,往往是在現實中發生的吧?!

因為做論文的緣故,這兩天回家去. 由於大學停課, 我亦天真地以為宿舍不需要當值了. 因為這是所謂的"非常"時期, 離開宿舍前我已通知了舍監, 已為算是很負責任的了. 怎料原來錯了. 昨晚另一位樓導師來電, 告訴我舍監對於這段時間樓導師不留宿略有微言... 聽後真的感到有點不是味兒...
其實這段時間以來, 我對大學對研究生的態度和疏忽一直都不太滿意的了. 雖然說我們收studentship, 但我們亦交學費的吧!! 說我們是教職員嗎? 我們並沒有教職員同等的福利; 說我們是學生嗎? 我們亦沒有跟學生們同等的對待! 說到底, 由始至終就是不大被尊重!! 唉...

Fwd Email: Some good news

A little perspective after all the doom and gloom.
AND NOW THE GOOD NEWS
By Nury Vittachi

There is a dangerous virus spreading through Hong Kong.
It is NOT atypical pneumonia.
It is panic.

All outbreaks of any high-profile pathogen or disease (cf the UK's Mad Cow disease) have two major effects. A tiny proportion of people are hit by the disease itself. A large number of people, organizations and entire industry sectors are hit by the panic that accompanies it.

Yes, you should be careful and take all precautions as advised by your medical advisor, but no, you don't have to panic and flee Hong Kong.

1. You don't have to stay at home. At the time of writing (first week of April, 2003), more than 99.999% of people in Hong Kong are completely free of the SARS virus.

2. An increase in numbers doesn't mean people in every apartment block have it. The virus's growth pattern shows a tendency to remain tightly clustered - for example in the Prince of Wales Hospital and Amoy Gardens.

3. Ninety-nine people a day die of flu every day in the United States alone. Of these 99, about 30 die of acute respiratory problems. In Hong Kong, 16 people have died over a month.

4. In any large city of this size, there are hundreds of pneumonia sufferers at any time, of which several dozen have some form of atypical pneumonia.

5. Yes, the virus does mutate. But this doesn't necessarily mean it continually gets more virulent. Scientists note that as SARS spreads, it is significantly weakening from carrier to carrier.

6. The media may call it a killer virus, but the survival rate among those hit in these clusters is 96%.

7. Yes, we all care about our children, but very few kids get it - careful examination of lists confirms that victims tend to be elderly people with a direct physical link to the clusters.

8. Contaminated places get clean by themselves. The virus dies without a carrier. Some scientists estimate its life as three hours, others say a little longer, but all agree it cannot hibernate. In other words, you can even check into the Metropole Hotel floor 9 without fear.

9. The virus is believed to die when the air temperature reaches 27 degrees C. One hot Hong Kong day could fry all traces of it on exposed surfaces.

10. You can keep your air conditioner on in the office. Ward 8B in the Prince of Wales Hospital shares an air conditioning system with the infected Ward 8A. But there was not a single infection in 8B.

11. Many people assume the "growth model" of the virus will follow sci-fi movie scenarios. Evidence suggests it is more likely to follow the Guangzhou experience, where it spread for a few weeks and then started to contract.

12. The flood of panicky emails from a variety of people, including octors who should know better, is not helpful. One email doing the rounds is instructing people not to exercise, for example. Panic creates muddleheadedness. Consider the facts above. Hong Kong is our home. Stay calm and stay healthy!

I dare not comment on all the points listed above. Believe it or not, how should we react, judge by yourselves.
But this is the bolded lines that urge me to post it up here.
Friends, TAKE CARE & DON'T PANIC/BE DEPRESSED!

Tuesday, April 01, 2003

選擇

停課的日子已經過了一半了
少了TA的課, 原來真的會輕省一些
只是論文卻不能停下來
反而是黃金機會好好把落後了的進度追回來
可惜...唉...
前幾天真的覺得frustrated
怎都做不下去 ~>_<~
這兩天已經收拾心情
做人要flexible一點
調動一下工作次序
只希望不要再浪費已所剩無多的時間
.
每一天都有很多擾攘的聲音
每個人的心底都有些煩躁有些失意
這邊箱有人誠惶誠恐地保存自己的生命時
那邊箱有人毫不留情厚顏無恥地塗炭生靈
亦有人撒手不顧棄權離去
當一切都變得死氣沉沉
當向前望是盡是看不到盡頭的負面消息時
這樣的環境下失望不開心是否理所當然?
憑什麼去迫人積極樂觀勇敢面對?
.
但如果不選擇這樣
結果豈不是會更糟嗎?
我反覆問自己
至終還是自我的選擇...

My heart is not proud, O Lord,
my eyes are not haughty;
I do not concern myself with great matters
or things too wonderful for me.
But I have stilled and quieted my soul;
like a weaned child with its mother,
like a weaned child is my soul within me.
O Israel, put your hope in the Lord
both now and forevermore.
~~Psalm 131